Sick.

Sick.

Surrounded by wrinkled sheets and soiled kleenexes. Body aching and mind wandering.

Sick.

Left alone with your thoughts, with your feelings, with your ailments. Weakness and vulnerablity and the understanding that life may be able to penetrate your soul through oh too many distractions.

Sick.

Befuddled by recently unfelt emotions. Tears, pain, and the overall inability to do things that are typically unthought about. Emotion coupled with the feeling that certain acts in life are less important. Perhaps a brief understanding that life is about people.

Sick?

Awake at night introspectively wondering what may come next and battling with how to put the pieces in motion.

Healing.

Gauging your potential.

How much do you have left in the tank?

How bad do you "want" it?

Where can we build towards?

Is a dream a dream when you break it down to continual possibility and preparation?

Why do I feel that I need to know my potential? Why do I feel that foundational changes are needed to do so.

Slow down but don't stop the show.

Amplify the show, but keep in touch with the necessary tempo, speed, and sound.

It's always too late, somewhere.

Somehow it's never too early to tell or to be sure.

I await the day where I long for everything and I don't wish for other outcomes or requirements.

Somedays I wish and long for the past, and at other moments I wish that things would stand still.

Perhaps I wish that things would slow down, but the music would continue to play.

it's too late.

Imagine it's too late.

You time is limited, your breaths are numbers, your luck has run out. Time has somehow passed by and you're at the end of this lifetime.

It's a powerless and real thought. Just pause for a moment to put this in perspective. Think about how infuriated you feel when your boss makes a decision for you, when you get lost, or you have to wait on something for an hour or two.

Then multiply that feeling by an gazillion. That's how you might feel when you're lying on your death bed wishing you didn't lead a sucky and uneventful life.

So don't worry about waiting for life to find you. Go find it. Live it and love those around you.

Don't wait until that last moment, when it might be too late.

Porcupines, Elephants, and Ants

Porcupines are hurtful little beings. Their translucent quills are made to pierce the skin. From a far they appear to be harmless, yet damage can only be unleashed from a close proximity.

Elephants are truly loud and obnoxious beings. Somehow they prance through circles annoying most but leaving the surrounding crowd smiling at their larger than life personality.

Ants are thoughtful, cunning, and efficient. In groups they move molehills or mountains little by little. They are often undervalued and overlooked. Their impact is reviewed and continually judged, deemed unworthy of attention or gratitude.

Midnight (w)onderings

I wonder where this life will take me.

I wonder who will walk alongside me.

I wonder when I will realize my true purpose.

I wish I would only realize that sometimes we aren't meant to know. To rest assure, be cocksure, and pretend to understand and nod along.

It takes a certain type of inner calm to understand why the future holds secrets. Some believe that this knowledge is a heightened stage or enlightenment or utter insanity.

I wonder what the future will hold.

30 in 30 Challenge

Well I am getting / have gotten old.

I'm heading into my 30th year, and it's time for a post surgery fitness challenge.

Here is the deal:

30 minutes of hardcore cardio (sweaty endeavors)
for
30 days in a row
starting
Jan 21st
ending
Feb 20

The end point of the challenge is the best way to start my 30th year - on a beach with somebody special.

Here is to (elderly) health.