Condo Hilarity

So this weekend I threw myself into the whole -- Should buy a condo? -- idea / situation.

After a few viewings at condos, and hours on the internet I thought I was ready to dive in, and "make an offer"

I find that the whole real estate market is full of buzz words, bad similes, and analogies. The worst display of this is in the coveted property listing. This a world where closets transformed into additional rooms are described as lovely "semi-attached dens" with "natural sunlight". Or where an "urban view" may, or may not consist of a collection of dumpsters containing building supplies.

In a short meeting at a coffee shop with a Francophone real estate agent I somehow asked a few too many questions about condo fees, and the seemingly large difference between the 2009 "assessment" price, and the "listed" price. These questions were met with snarly answers about the neighborhood, and how it was a great place to raise children. Neither of these responses were desirable.

Once it was found out I had been pre-approved for a mortgage (obviously this was my error to disclose such a thing) I suddenly had a pre-agreement contract and a document with a lot of prestigious stamps and blurry fonts in front on me.

Needless to say he mentioned repeatedly that I had to act now - as this property was , as they call it in the industry, a "bijou caché" (hidden gem)

So... I said I would look at the document and have my lawyer (friends who are smarter than I) take a look and arrange a meeting early on in the week.

I left the coffee shop, and retreated to a hipster restaurant up the road in search of a drink injected with any kind of available alcohol. As I was still trying to decipher what had just taken place, if I had been swindled or just unprepared, an email arrived. It explained that they had another client sign the pre-contract, and essentially that I was no longer in the running.

For some reason I think I was more relieved than disappointed. Or maybe I was just dazed.

I'm sure I'll find another "garden view" or a place perfect for "independent living" sometime soon.

25 bucks a day & 5.5 Weeks of Sober

25 bucks a day has been an initiative I have been trying dearly to stick by for about 2 months. Essentially the rules are quite rudimentary - After rent / cell phone / internet expenses- I attempt to hold daily expenses to 25 dollars.

It's proven a little difficult, but for the most part, excluding traveling expenses, I've pretty much towed the line. The major challenges I've found are late night eating, and the lack of judgement when inebriated, or when you have forgotten to plan for an outing and douchebags charge you $8 bucks for a hotdog. I've definitely lapsed many a times, but I think I have had 5 or 6 weeks within the budgeting constraints, and because of it I've been able to put a bunch of my cash into RRSP's.

My best tips into keeping this feasible are the following.

1.) Spend less than $5 for every weekday lunch
Make sammies, go to the grocery store, pack leftovers, or steal from Brad's lunchbox.(If you don't know Brad meet him and commence mooching)

2.) Cook Food In mass for future meals
Pasta, Stews, and anything in a pot can be delicious - even a few days later. The freezer is also your friend.

3.) Water bottles are the new cool
For water and other recreational beverages it's a key player. Flasks and gatorade energy drink mixes are equally ridiculous.

4.) Brunch is the greatest meal to eat out
Eat like a king for like 15 bucks. Grease, ketchup, and mimosas. Need I say more?

5.) Don't be an introverted idiot.
Save up 80 bucks every week for hilarity on the town each weekend. If you save it - you'll party 19 times as hard.

6.) God gave you 2 feet.
Don't taxi unless a cop tells you that you must. Metros (subways) are also hilariously cheap and amazing for people watching.

There are some things that I miss, and in all honesty I will be buying many of these items this weekend. After 2 months I just can't live without them. Notably: Dry Cleaning, Steak, New shoes, Shaving Materials (that don't cut my face), Fancy Hair Goop, and Oven Mitts.

Since my last posts I have returned to drinking of alcohol after a good 45 day period of cleansing. It was an eye opening experience, and I don't regret partaking in the spell of sobriety, nor stopping the cleanse itself. Going to a bar sober definitely has taught me a few observational lessons, and my liver continues to write me thank you notes for giving it some alone time. It's also brought to my forefront how alcohol dependent our world has really become. I was never an alcoholic or anything, for those who were concerned - ahem family, but I do think that moderation is probably the lesson learned out of all of this. Everything but some crazy examples are never horrible in moderation.

I do have to admit that drinking a relaxing glass of wine with friends or family was probably the one thing I missed most.

awesome

Sobriety Is The New Cool.

I've given some pretty deep thought to this post, and for several weeks I have been toying with what I am about to write. Mainly due to the fact that if I were to proclaim something in this type of forum and not go through with it I might look like a douche. Or even worse that my word would lose legitimacy.

Today I have given up drinking alcoholic beverages for the next month cold turkey, and it is my goal to stop for the rest of 2009, and perhaps a longer period of time. 

Now I understand that this is a pretty drastic change, as I have been quite a shit show in my day, but I have my reasons: health concerns, budgetary realizations, and general stupid and clouted decision making. In all honesty my main push for this initiative is because I feel that my life is speeding by far too quickly. I am trying to remind myself that I only have one shot at this, and that I should be maximizing every breathe of it. I think that for me, at least, alcoholism is one of the things in my life that is compromising my efficiency, and overall life productivity.

So to my friends - please understand that I can be equally offending and hilarious without booze, and that this is kind of my way of resetting some very important defaults in my life.

To my haters a.k.a doubters - I will not fail, and I will take this seriously. This is going to be 6 months of fun, and true realization of what I can do with what I have. Please respect that I am doing this for me, and that it may be just be a small combination of acts. Although someone famous once said - "I wish to do something great and wonderful. But i must start by doing the little things like they were great and wonderful. " So hear goes with the first step.

The Perfect Summer Salad

All right..... So this is a little unorthodox post for me, but I am about to share the recipe for one of the greatest things I have ever made. It's a little odd because I hardly cook, and what I do cook I usually eat myself without any scrutiny- regardless of the level of edibility. But I have stumbled upon what I believe is a gem, and it only took me three attempts to perfect. Here goes nothing.

The Perfect Summer Salad

One Tomato (Diced)

One Royal Gala Apple (Diced)

One Yellow Pepper (Diced)

Small Cup of Chick Peas (Pre-marinated in Oil and vinegar dill salad dressing)

10 Field Mushrooms (Thinly Sliced)

Half of a Celery Stalk (Diced)

Quarter of a Red Onion (Hash)

3 Eggs Scrambled - (Cooked with milk to keep fluffy - Salted & Cooled)

1 Packet of Mozzarella Cheese Curds (Chopped into smaller chunks)

A dash of Parmesan Cheese

The Salad Base includes the following:

Romaine lettuce

Endive

Shaved Carrots

Radicchio

Simply mix all the ingredients together and dress and toss appropriately.

Best dressed with a Sweet Onion Vinaigrette

I think it's an awesome summer salad. I hope you like it!

Lessons Learned Whilst Creating The Perfect Salad:

Unripened Cheddar Cheese is the worst invention ever. It tastes and smells like toe jam. This product is dairies cruel joke on humanity.

Fruity salad dressings like 'Raspberry Balsamic' leave you wondering why you poured an oily smoothie onto your salad. Don't make the same low fat summery mistake - use a real dressing. Even good old 'Oil & Vinegar' is a suitable alternate.

Don't put hot scrambled eggs onto a salad. It makes everything squishy and gross. It made me think of a sailor eating a slimy packaged salad in a mess hall in the middle of the Atlantic.

That I am an idiot for ever putting hot scrambled eggs onto a salad of any kind.

life is good

I woke this afternoon to a voice. It sounded foreign, raspy, and deep resounding through me. It was almost James Earl Jones-esque from 'Field of Dreams' with a british twang. At first I was unsure if I was still dreaming, or if I was just having a post nap groggy patch. But what I am sure about is that something spoke to me. And one line came across pretty clearly... - "Head up. You only have one shot at this kid...."

Now I can spend years debating why that message was conveyed, or more freakishly who or what was conveying it. But right now (at least) I prefer to not dissect the medium.  The one thing that has continued to resound with me is that - I have never before in my life needed to hear something so badly.

With drool still in the corners of my mouth this message threw me into a spiral of thought. It re-emphasized that I again was wasting life complaining about the controllables. Bitching about things that I simply could improve if I sat down and listened to myself, and implemented a solution. I can change what I eat for breakfast, where I work, whom I love, or what toothpaste I do so decide to use. I can modify my appearance, and determine whom I confide in - This is all in my locus of control.

So I guess there is one important follow up - and surprise surprise - it's simple. There are things that I can't control. But it's more-so the realization that this is normal. That I'm not the only one who has to submit. We are all in the same boat about the weather, our mortality, or the fact that we all have emotions. This will not change.

By recommitting to the compartmentalizing of my life I have made abundantly clear what I should see as things to solve, and what I need to accept. This has kind of cleared up a few things for me, and lifted a huge anvil of stress off of my shoulders. Hopefully this will allow me to keep my head up and focus on this one shot.

Utter wackness - when asleep & awake

Do the things we dream about mean anything?

I dreamt this week that I was a gigantic plastic piece in an enormous board game. Somehow I had transformed into a bright red "Sorry" place holder, and this invisible force came down from above and slid me from place to place. But it was more so taking me from one time in my life to another - from one scenario to the next almost showing me what I had experienced in my life - Childhood, Teenage Years, Professional Life. I woke up wondering if I had eaten some bad chinese, and then I stumbled around may apartment looking for some meaning. This was some some crazy imagery, I know, but this is my subconscious we are talking about. I am reasonably used to hilarity - but not complete wackness. The best I could come up with is that I ( a.k.a my subconscious) somehow decided to show myself (me) my experiences from a different perspective - in my dreams. That was actually exhausting to explain.

So anyway -  this personal tangent about life proposes itself after I survived a week of struggle and extremes. From insect infestation, to utmost fatigue from excessive antibiotics and cleaning, to all the way to remembering what it feels like to overcome some horrific challenge. Then just to add some fun life throws in the mix the gutting sensation of truly longing for someone who you really haven't had the opportunity to understand .......

So did this trying week happen for a reason? Did this resolution have some sort of meaning that I might have been impacted by? In my dreams probably - but it's only Monday.